Not Quite 12-Days of Christmas
Lost count after five.
On the first day of Christmas, my sweetheart gave to me, one glass of… real-ly… fine… wine.
On the second day of Christmas, my honey gave to me, two tumblers of bourbon, and a glass of real-ly… fine… wine.
On the third day of Christ-ta-mis, my cutie-pie gave me, three mugs of beer, two glasses of b-ba-bourbon, and some really… um, r-red-ed… wine.
On da fourth day Chriss-mask, a lady gab to me, four caraf-fes of Saki, tree ba-bubbly beers, four, no, wait… two shots of whisky, and a bottle of… ah… wine.
On da next day of Ho-nika, somebody gab-ba me, fa-five vodka sou-sou-sour-ers, tree {burp} beers, some-ting else I can’t re-mem-bur… now I don’t give a chit… a-about… dis song!
W-w-hen S-sant-ta get-tin here? Is-s he ba-bring-n more ice? W-what’s wit da deer wit dat r-ed na-nose? He shh-ood fix dat, cause dats foo-kin fun-na chit!
I ca-can’t da-dr-ive, you t-ink S-San-ta gib me a ride in ‘is s-lay? Pa-prom-miss not-ta pa-puke in ‘is sa-ck!
Ma-merr-wee Cri-crisp-’ass! HA-HO-HO!! I said cris-s-p ass-s-s!
